Reality Is Not What It Seems

Gloria Sandford, LMHC

Reality is not what it seems. We live within a web of our own perceptions and preconceived notions. We only see a small part, even of our own part of the story of life. Recently, I read a book on quantum physics with the same title, Reality Is Not What It Seems, by Carlo Rovelli. What physicists of today know is that all things, including space and time, are formed of the same quanta, the same smallest particles of being. And these quanta only exist when they are in a relationship with something else. When they are not in relationship, not connected—they don’t exist. They are only a probability.

As a therapist, this makes sense on the emotional level as well as the physical. Therapy is about the business of locating the self of the person that has been tucked away and has disappeared from consciousness. Bad things happened in unsafe landscapes that caused rupture and disconnection, after which parts of the self seemingly vanished into thin air. Just like the quanta, our core personalities, our true selves, don’t exist until they are in connection with someone else. This is why isolation is so damaging to the self and the worst form of punishment in any punitive system. In a world where masks of a person are interacting with masks of another, little reality is occurring and all involved are being thrust into isolation. This isolation only builds upon itself, stealing the essence of personhood and community.

We are in a time when we are all more disconnected than ever. The more disconnection we have, the less we know ourselves and each other—or as the physicists say, the less we know reality. To find these missing parts of self our true selves again after such loss, we must connect our real person with that of another. Getting behind the masks, we find the inner gems that emerge with true connection. As we work to find each other, to vulnerably share our true selves, we can become more of ourselves, more in reality, more alive. 

What brings me so much joy and what keeps me in this work is the delight day after day that it takes so very little to connect. A smile, a reflective word, the “I see you “ observation that takes just a moment, is actually the essence of all things, the real. We can join in this collective work of existence which brings healing and growth to ourselves and others as we put intention toward connection. Let  today be a day that you open up yourself and find the real you as you find the real person beside you.